Self-care when helping others

Why is Self-Care Important when Helping Others?

When offering support or helping others it may be tempting to ignore our own self-care. This is especially true if your working, family or social life includes regularly caring for others. In our desire to always be there for the people we care about, we can forget to turn that compassion inward.    

However, self-care is a vital part of maintaining our ability to care for others. This is particularly important if you are a parent, carer or someone people regularly rely on.

Here are some of the many reasons why self-care should be a part of your overall care strategy.

Taking care of yourself

You may have heard the saying you can’t pour from an empty cup. We often talk about self-care. To effectively take care of others, we must first take care of ourselves. We all need time to replenish the emotional, intellectual, and psychological stocks.

Instead of viewing self-care in isolation, reframe it as a healthy part of life. Imagine yourself as a tree in a forest and that forest as the family, friends, colleagues, and community around you. A tree pulls together water, carbon dioxide and the energy of the sun for its own self-care. The healthier the tree, the more it can provide life-saving oxygen, nourishment, shelter and comfort to the people, plants and creatures that surround it.

The same is true of the people in your life. The more you practice self-care and tend to your needs, the better placed you’ll be to offer support to the people around you.

Keener eye for small changes

The indication that someone we know may need support can come in many subtle forms, including increased isolation, decreased interest in a favourite hobby or pastime, a loss of appetite, lowered patience or tolerance for people or situations, avoiding friends and family, or a change in mood that might not seem significant by itself. However, if these changes combine or persist, it may be signs you need more than a moment to recharge.

Often when we’re caught up in the busyness of everyday life, we can invite stress into our lives. Stress can block our awareness of our own situation may affect our ability to notice some of the subtle changes in those around us.

Whether you’re a parent trying to reach a reluctant teen or a friend noticing changes in a friend, the earlier we can recognise these shifts in mood, speech, or behaviour, the quicker we may be able to listen, connect and offer support to that person.

Having a conversation has the potential can make a world of difference when it comes to helping the person and their outcomes.

Avoiding the self-soothing trap

It’s only natural that in helping others, we may drain or deplete our own bank of emotional resources. The problem isn’t necessarily the act of offering help or support but rather what we do to rejuvenate ourselves and replenish our bank and when we’re feeling emotionally, psychologically, or physically drained from helping others it may be more tempting to turn to self-soothing behaviours over self-care.

While the odd bit of self-soothing behaviour such as watching tv, having a drink, shopping or comfort eating can be part of a well-rounded self-care plan, it should not replace healthy activities such as exercise, sleep, mindfulness, healthy eating or connecting with friends – all of which help us rejuvenate and provides greater resilience for longer periods.

It sets a great example

Helping others can be a source of joy. It can give us pride in the work we do, what we’re able to accomplish and even a sense of purpose. However, like any form of productivity and action, it has the potential to become a little addictive, which may skew our perception of the payoff we’re receiving from giving our energy.

All humans need time to themselves to function. Constantly living with a feeling of obligation to others and never having finished your responsibilities is not healthy.

We all need to experience the sense of accomplishment that comes from finishing a task. We also need to understand that in any helping situation, there are no prizes for going it alone. Just as it takes a village to raise a child, it takes many different people and resources to give each individual person the help and support they need.

It’s not uncommon for a person who loves to help or is in a primary support role to feel guilty when their focus shifts from other people to themselves. But that doesn’t mean that shift is an act of selfishness or one that doesn’t fit within the parameters of helping.

Helping yourself to be the best version of you that can be makes you a better friend, lover, parent, colleague and professional. Giving yourself permission to attend to your needs also sets the example for those who rely on you for your support to do the same.

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